Strange as it may seem in this modern world, a dowry system is still often used by the Isaan when a couple marry.
Even stranger is the fact that the dowry payment is often returned at the end the marriage ceremony.
Why? we might ask. Very little occurs in the Isaan without an element of maintaining the appropriate level of appearance (or "face"). As a show of respect, allowing the parents of the bride to appear to have raised a desirable daughter, the groom is expected to pay an appropriate dowry. The larger the dowry, the greater the respect shown. Complicating matters though, the groom is expected to not exceed the appropriate level and show himself as careless with his possessions as this would indicate he may be careless in his attitude towards taking care of and supporting his new bride.
Fortunately for the groom, the dowry system now allows for negotiation to determine the correct level to be determined.
Also, luckily for the poorer groom (which is often the case in the Isaan), should the bride's parents decide the groom is of acceptable character (or simply liked) arrangements are often made to return the payment. This allows the bride's parents to maintain face by showing their daughter is worthy of a substantial dowry and also allows the new couple to start their life without the groom having to occur a burdensome debt.
Humorously, this returning of the dowry is often known by all in attendance at the wedding. So, how do the bride's parents maintain "face" after returning their daughter's dowry? A great deal of admiration is gained by showing they are caring and generous parents, supporting their daughter's desire to marry her chosen groom.
